A Dash O'Doric

The old man looked down at his lifelong friend, now lying in his coffin, and said: 'Man, there's even a smile on his face.' 'There is,' said the widow, 'bit Jock wis aye a bittie saft. He disna ken fit's happened til him yet.' And then there was the hapless crew from Sky TV on one of their periodic visits to check Highland reactions to various news stories. Spotting a likely interviewee in Academy Street, the reporter approached and said: 'Excuse me, have you got a few words for Sky TV?' 'I have,' snapped the man. 'Stick your microphone up your nose and bugger off back to Portree.' Or what about the Banffshire congregation who welcomed a new English member and were horrified to discover that at the end of every hymn or prayer the newcomer would cry: 'Praise the Lord and Hallelujah!'? The beadle scurried up to the new man's pew and hissed: 'Jist behave yersel. We dinna praise the Lord here.' Norman Harper and Robbie Shepherd are back with a third collection of stories which show the wit and wisdom of North-east Scotland at their finest. Find out inside why the ice-skating scoring system at a Donside tournament went so badly wrong; read of the forgetful railway guard at Fyvie and how the old passenger on the Culter train was celebrating her birthday; marvel at one Buchan oilman's tip for improving your love life on holiday. It's all here, and more.